Pimento Cheese: A Southern Specialty that I am pleased to share with you.
Remember a few months ago when horrible tooth extractions had to happen? Well, here we are again, at Part Deux, in which the Oral Surgeon implants dead guy bone both under the sinuses and under the gums to create a Sturdy Anchoring Spot for a titanium post which will eventually have a Fake Tooth built onto it. Sounds like fun, right? No, I didn’t think so either. I was picturing some sort of peeling back of the face in order to shove dead guy bone in, but apparently it’s much less invasive than that, even though it calls for a general anesthetic. And dead guy bone?! Wow. Just….wow.
So, yesterday, I was Madame Chauffeur to my Beloved, and I sat in the waiting room reading Wicked for an hour and a half. The Rules we were given included having him eat cold, soft foods. She even said, and I quote, “ice cream, pudding, Jell-o, etc.” This is the only Good Part of the whole process: the eating of not-so-healthy foods with the doctor’s blessing. Thank you, Dr. Won, for letting us snack on junky food for a few days. Oh, did you catch that “us?” Yeah, well, I didn’t want him to feel Singled Out, so I have embarked on this journey with him because I am Selfless. Other snacks on our personal list include pimento cheese, beloved cracker spread of The South, and hummus. No, The Beloved will not be enjoying the cracker portion of the show, but my Wheat Thins are ready to go.
Pimento Cheese Spread
This is one of those southern treats that can be made a ton of different ways, so don’t stress over it.
- 1 pound sharp cheddar cheese (you can use Velveeta, if you want, but I’m not going to)
- mayonnaise, to taste
- salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
- 1 or 2 small jars pimento (or pimiento)
Other stuff you can put in it, if you want:
- sweet or dill pickle relish
- minced garlic or granulated garlic
- chopped onion or onion powder
- other kinds of cheese–Pepper Jack comes to mind, if you like things a little spicy
- dry mustard
- lemon juice
- other spices–like maybe chili powder could be Fun for a Mexican-style version
You can make this in a food processor or by hand–it all depends on how homogenized you want your final mixture to be.
If making by hand, grate the cheese and mix together with other ingredients. to taste. Stop when you like it.
To make in a food processor, pulse to desired smoothness, but add the pimentos last so they don’t get too blended up. It’s fun to see some red flecks in the Final Product.
What to do with this stuff:
- spread on bread for a quickie sammich
- spread on hamburgers or hotdogs
- eat with crackers
- use as veggie dip with carrots, celery, etc.
Dear US readers, I hope you have a Fantastic Fourth. Dear International Readers, I hope you have a fantastic weekend. And to everyone, make some pimento cheese, it’ll make you feel good!
And The Beloved’s new name? Sir Costsalot. A Very Lot.
Stumble It!
I have to admit I was a little skeptical when I saw pimento cheese mentioned in your “Tweet”, but that looks delicious! I think I’ll be making that one soon.
I think I was turned off from pimento cheese by some over-processed version that comes in cute little jars made by a major processed cheese food product producing company…I remember liking the jars when I was little – my mom would wash them out when they were empty for my sister & I to use as juice glasses…I seem to remember liking the jars more than the contents
p.s. Dead Guy bone implants do seem a little creepy ~ Here’s wishing your Beloved a speedy recovery
I understand your skepticism, especially in light of Dubious Sounding Jars from Childhood! This stuff is really, really good–honest! And I will pass on your wishes to The Beloved and his creepy dead guy bone!
I too wish the beloved a speedy recovery. I hope you both enjoy the yummy foods. I’m gonna pass on the chesse though because I do not like pimentos – but in my defense I’m not actually from the south despite living here..
Will pass on the wishes, Judi!
A thought–you can still make cheese spread, sans pimento. The more ways I can think of to get cheese into my face, the happier I’ll be. Think about adding a can of rotel, maybe some chopped chipotles in adobo for a Mexican-style, for example.
I’m not sure what pimentos are exactly. But I like the sound of cheese and mayonnaise. As for your poor beloved, he has my sympathy. It’s awfully nice of dead guys to donate bones for this sort of thing, but it is still kinda icky.
Hi, kj! Sorry–I should’ve defined “pimento” for folks unfamiliar w/Said Ingredient. It’s a very sweet, yummy red pepper–it usually comes in little 4-oz. jars around these parts. I’m sure you could sub chopped roasted red pepper if you can’t find pimento. And I, too, am appreciative-yet-slightly-squidgy about the dead guy bone!
Well. There.
From now on – whenever I’m having some of my wife’s unbelievable pimento cheese spread (right along up there side-by-side with your fabulous recipe, Jenni) – I’ll be waiting to crack my partial on a sneakily hidden piece of “dead guy bone”. Thank you very much, Chef Jenni, you!
Hare, hare…krishna, krishna…oooohhhmmm…(hell, I do anything to get rid of this dental…er, mental image!)
Yeah, sorry about that dead guy bone thing, chef!
Dead guy bone? I had dead cow bone myself. All crunched up like sand, and bits kept falling out through the stitches and getting mixed up in my soft food making it gritty.
All worth it in the end though.
And the cheese does look yummy.
Bronwyn, that is Truly Horrifying! Glad to hear it all worked out. And the cheese is very yummy!
[...] See how happy he is to be by the water? And look–he’s hardly swollen at all from the Oral Trauma of [...]
I will reconsider my less than enthusiastic attitude toward pimento cheese spread – this actually looks and sounds appetizing! I think my previous experience must have been with the Cheez Whiz or Velveeta variety (don’t get me wrong, I love them but not in this iteration).
If you ever need anyone to commiserate re: those titanium posts, let me know. I’ve got three! 8-D