Sunday Suppers (Monday Evening Edition): In Which We Visit Spice Mecca, Pretend We’re Back in College, and Make Some Curry

I just barely restrained myself from pressing my nose against the window. Besides, it was open, so we just walked right in.

Hello, friends!  It has been quite the Whirlwind the past couple of days.  Do you guys remember Cindy?  You know, my friend from college who gave me the recipe for Miss Patsy’s Pound Cake which then morphed into Van Halen Pound Cake?  Well, The Beloved and I drove up to Richmond to attend her Annual Christmas Shindig on Saturday.  We left around 12:30pm on Saturday and got home around 4pm on Sunday.  It was a Very Fast Trip.

Friday evening, The Beloved and I were engaging in our normal Pre-Sleeping Activity.  No, not that.  We were Perusing Catalogs.  I like to look at them to a)get Ideas and b)make fun of them.  The Beloved comes along for the ride.  We are a Very Happening Couple, indeed.  Anyway, we were perusing the Penzeys Spice Catalog.  (There is no apostrophe in Penzeys.  I checked). I don’t know if you guys know the Penzeys folks, but we’ve been getting their catalog for years.  They have almost every spice known to man, including some stuff that I’ve never heard of, let alone Played With.  We’ve always wanted to make a Pilgrimage to Spice Mecca, and when we lived in Orlando, we always talked about making a day trip to Jacksonville (2 hours away) to visit the Penzeys there.  That never happened.

When we moved here, we were all “We’re even farther away from a Penzey’s now.  Sad.”  But then, once we had decided to go to Miss Cindy’s Christmas Shindig, The Beloved realized that there is a Penzeys Right In Richmond.  Hooray!  With the help of our Google Maps friends, we found out that it was only a short 25 minutes from Penzeys to Cindy’s house, so we made sure to leave plenty of time to visit there before heading to her place.

Now, I shall back up a moment and tell you A Little About Penzey’s.  They’ve been around, in one form or another, since 1957.  Bill Penzey, Sr. opened a spice store with his wife, and their son, Bill Jr, spun off the mail-order business when he was in his 20s.  The Penzeys people seem to me to be that unique mix of down-t0-earth meets exceptional quality.  And that’s a very good thing.  If you’d like to read more about the history of Penzeys, here you go.

Back to the store.  They have over 250 spices and dried herbs for sale in their retail stores.  What’s more, you can smell all of them because they are nice enough to put a jar of each spice or herb Right There on the Shelf so you can smell before you buy.  Hooray! We did a Very Lot of smelling on Saturday, and here’s what we came away with.

Look at what we got! Including the peppermill. There's chili seasoning "Chili 3000," Italian seasoning that has fennel in it (!), black cardamom, which I will show you a picture of in a minute, Tellicherry peppercorns (ditto), Dutched cocoa powder for making Chocolate Syrup, Balti seasoning (which I will also show you in a minute) and some other good stuff! Plus venison seasoning for our neighbors Chuck and Susan. Chuck and Jackson (11) went hunting on Saturday, and Jackson killed his first deer. Go, Jackson! Venison tenderloin, here we come!

We also purchased a gift box of 4 spices for Cindy, our hostess.  As an aside, Cindy lives 25 minutes from Penzeys and works 5 minutes from there, and She Has Never Been There Before!  Shame on you, Cindy.

We had a fantastic time at the party, what with the wine and all the fabulous food that Cindy makes all by herself for about 100 people.  Oh, and did I mention the wine?  There was A Lot of wine there, and I drank it.  Plus I ate the snacks, drank some water to stay hydrated, and drank more wine.  It was lovely.  We didn’t have to worry about driving ’cause we were staying at Cindy’s.  When we finally looked at the clock, it was 3-ish am.  So we drank some more and visited and Caught Up, and then went to bed at 4:30.

This is Unlike Me.  I love to sleep, and I’m generally in bed before midnight, even on weekends.  I guess the whole college thing came back to us and we decided that it was 1986 instead of 2009 and we were Young and Vigorous and Didn’t Need Sleep.  Foolish, foolish us.  I’m pretty sure it has never been more difficult to get out of bed than it was yesterday morning.  I felt fine, thanks for asking, except for the Extreme Lack of Sleep.  We took a nap when we got home yesterday afternoon and are planning a Very Early Night tonight, too.  Cindy, you throw a great party, and we are Thrilled to be back in touch.

Okay, all of this serves as Preamble to Today’s Dish.  I went to the store today and bought some fairly random Food Items, plus a bag of food for donation to the local Food Bank.  If you have such a program at your local grocery, I encourage you to buy a bag or two for donation.  They are all pre-bagged with the contents and the price on the label.  My bag contained jarred spaghetti sauce, peanut butter and several other things that that folks can certainly use.

I brought my goodies home, put them all away, and then ignored them until 4:50pm, when I realized that The Beloved would be home in an hour or so.  And get this:  he seems to think that I should Feed Him.  Hmmph.  Anyway, I decided to get all Creative and make something with some of the Penzeys seasonings.  Here’s what I used from my Penzeys stash:

This is one of Penzeys Indian curry mixtures. There are lots and lots of spices in it, including some that I've not heard of. We bought it because, of all the curry mixes we smelled, it smelled the most wonderful. It's a little spicy, but not over-the-top at all.

I never buy ground pepper, and I was happy enough with my little peppercorns (on the left), until I saw these babies--Tellicherry peppercorns. The king of all peppercorns. My peppercorns smell sort of dark. The Tellicherry ones smell like in-your-face pepper. Really nice.

Here are the black cardamom guys I told you about. They had cardamom seeds, green cardamom pods, expensive white cardamom pods, and the black cardamom at the Penzeys. See why I love it there? All the other cardamoms smelled cardamom-ish to one extent or another. The black cardamom smells like a campfire. Like a dark and mysterious campfire. The label said it is used frequently in African cooking but can be subbed in Indian cuisine. It added a nice, smokey background note to the curry.

Keep in mind that I didn’t have any particular dish in mind when I went to the store.  I just bought stuff that sounded good and that I knew I could make Some Sort of Meal from.  Sorry about that preposition at the end of that last sentence.  Shoulda gone with “from which,” but that just sounds Too Stuffy.

Here’s With What I Came Up.  See, it just doesn’t work.  Here’s what I came up with, using the following:

Ode to Penzeys Chicken-Chickpea Curry
Disclaimer:  This is not any sort of traditional Indian food.  Or Thai food, for that matter.  It’s just a spicy Indian-inspired stew that I threw together and served over spiced brown rice.  So, no ghee here.  I just went with olive oil.  Consider it Fusion Cuisine if it makes you feel better.

• 2 dark meat chicken quarters (or whatever sort of chicken you have.  That’s what was in the freezer, so I went with it)
• olive oil
• kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons, Penzey’s Balti seasoning (roughly–I didn’t measure)
• 1 black coriander pod, whacked with the flat of my knife
• 2 tablespoons red curry powder (not from Penzey’s.  I already had some, and ditto about the amount)
• 1 tablespoon ground cumin (double ditto)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, roughly chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 can of chickpeas, water and all
• 1/2 cup chicken broth or stock
• 1 bag frozen stir-fry vegetables (onions and peppers; they were on sale)
• 1 large-ish Russet potato, cut into 1-inch chunks

For the rice:

• brown rice
• water
• kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 whole clove
• some red curry powder
• couple of splashes of olive oil

Here’s what to do:

1. Season the chicken with salt and pepper.
2. Heat a pan to Pretty Hot.
3. Add some oil, and sear the chicken on both sides.  Remove the chicken to a plate.
4. Add a bit more oil to the pan, and throw in the onion.
5. Saute/scrape up the brown chicken bits from the bottom of the pan.
6. Add the garlic and the spices and cook the spices in the oil until very fragrant and a couple of shades darker than when you started.
7. Toss in the chickpeas with their liquid to deglaze the pan.
8. Add the veggies along with some more salt and pepper.  Add the stock.
9. Put the chicken back in the pan, nicely nestled down in the veggies and liquid.
10. Cover and bring just to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer until the chicken is cooked through.  I turned the chicken once after about 20 minutes.
11. Once the chicken in cooked, pull all the meat off the bone, shred (the meat, not the bones), and return to the pan.
12. Taste and adjust seasonings.  Serve over the rice.

How to cook rice:

1. Put however much rice you want to cook in a pot.
2. Pour cold water/stock/whatever liquid you want (within reason) over the rice is covered by about 3/4″.  I measure this with my pointer finger.  The water comes to just below my first knuckle.
3. Add spices, etc.
4. Taste for seasoning, bring to a boil.
5. Cover and turn the heat down to a low simmer for 40 minutes (this is for Brown Rice Only).  It’ll take only 15 minutes for white rice.  After 40 minutes (15 minutes), turn off the heat, fluff the rice up with a fork, and put the lid back on.
6. Leave the pot of rice on the burner (which you have turned off, right?) and let sit for another 10 minutes (5 minutes).
7. The end.

We ate at 7:00, but we could have eaten at 6:30.  That might be a little outside the realm of possibility on a weeknight, but keep it in mind for a weekend.  It was Very, Very Good.  Oh, here’s what the whole thing looked like:

Poll Results: Everyone Loves Cookies, but Not the Kind in a Jar

Okay, they're good, but I propose Something Better...

So, I’ve recently started running some polls over on PCO.  Partly for fun, and partly because it helps me figure out what you guys want to know about/like/dislike/etc.  I asked what people think is the best homemade food gift.  One third of folks who responded said Cookies.  I guess that’s not too weird, but 0%–that’s right, nobody–thought that cookies in a jar was a good gift.  Do you guys know what I’m talking about?  It usually comes layered in a Mason jar–flour, brown sugar, chocolate chips and stuff–topped off by some sort of Decorative Ribbon Affair.

Personally, I kinda think that Cookies-in-a-Jar is a cool present. I know a Very Lot of people who think baking cookies means slicing off pieces from a tube of dough or spooning out some dough from a tub or breaking squares of dough apart and placing them on baking trays. I’m just saying that it does not take a baker to pull apart squares of dough.  I bet you don’t even really need Opposable Thumbs. Anyhow, friends, if you don’t introduce your Other Friends to real ingredients, they might never know that you can make some Excellent Cookies with just a handful of ingredients.  Only you can prevent Ingredient Ignorance.  Don’t you owe it to your Scoop-N-Bake friends?

Here’s the problem with lots of cookie mixes in a jar.  They’re based on some sort of baking mix, like Bisquick.  And Bisquick contains hydrogenated fats.  I know, because I looked it up for you.  Another issue with these recipes is that everything is all layered together, so you can’t really work the whole Creaming Method, since the sugars are all mixed in with the flour and other dry ingredients.  To get around this Issue, I propose changing the Gifting Vessel from a Jar to a Basket.

Watch and marvel as I take my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe and turn it into Cookie Mix In a Basket right before your very eyes.  Make some for your buddies, who I’m sure all have opposable thumbs, and then make some straight up cookies for yourself.  Or make some for yourself first.  You are Altruistic, and you Deserve Cookies.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies

• 4 oz unsweetened chocolate
• 10 oz all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoons salt
• 2 sticks/8 oz butter
• 8 oz. dark brown sugar (or light–whatever you have)
• 3.5 oz granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 whole eggs
• 8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Regular directions.

1. Melt chocolate in the microwave in short bursts.  Cool.
2. Sift flour, baking soda and salt together very well.
3. Cream the butter until soft and smooth.
4. Cream the sugars in on low speed.  You’re not looking for light and fluffy–you’re not making a cake.  You just want a smooth paste of sugar and butter.
5. Mix in the vanilla.
6. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing on low and scraping bowl.
7. Add the melted and cooled chocolate.
8. Add in dry ingredients and mix on low for a few seconds.
9. Mix in the chips.  Finish mixing by hand.
10. Space rounded tablespoons of dough about 2″ apart on parchment-lined cookie sheets.
11. Bake 1t 400F until set on the tops but still soft, about 12-13 minutes.
12. When cool enough, put in face.

Cookie Mix in a Basket Directions for you, the Giver and your friend, the Givee.

For the Giver:

• Whisk together flour, baking soda and salt and put in a baggie–seasonal, if you can find them.
• Wrap the unsweetened chocolate in some plastic wrap or in a baggie.
• Do the same with the 8 oz of chocolate chips.
• Mix the two sugars together and put them in a baggie, too.
• Label the baggies so your friend knows what’s in them.
• Get a Cute Holiday Basket and line it with a seasonal kitchen towel and/or oven mitts.
• Nestle the four Attractive Baggies in the basket.
• Wrap with some of that colored plastic wrap and tie a Jaunty Bow around the whole thing.
• Affix the whole recipe and the givee rules, thusly:

For the Givee–Here I am just suggesting wording, mind you.  Say it how you want.

“(Almost) instant cookies.  Just add 2 sticks of softened butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla and 2 eggs.

• Array the four baggies in front of you.
• Take the unsweetened chocolate out of its baggie, and melt it in the microwave on medium power.  Let cool.
• Cream the butter until smooth.
• Add the baggie of sugar and cream all until smooth.
• Mix in the vanilla and then the eggs, one at a time, mixing well.  Scrape bowl.
• Mix in the cooled melted chocolate.
• Pour in the dry ingredients and mix for a few seconds.  Scrape bowl.
• Pour in the chocolate chips and mix in by hand.
• Space heaping tablespoons 2″ apart on greased or parchment-lined baking sheets.
• Bake at 400F until puffed and dry on top but still a bit soft.
• Cool on the cookie sheets.
• Put in face.

Whether or not you plan on making Baskets O’ Cookie Fixin’s for your friends, you should seriously make these cookies.  They are Very Very Good.  I based my recipe on one from Rosie’s Chocolate-Packed, Jam-Filled, Butter-Rich, No-Holds-Barred Cookie Book, by Judy Rosenberg.  Pretty much all the cookies in her book are Awesome.

And this concludes the first installment of Poll Results.  There are still two more polls up if you’d like to swing by and vote.  I’ll be changing the polls every three-four weeks, so check back and help me come up with some topics.  Have a lovely day.

For the Love of Mike, Sur la Table, I Am Not Made of Money!

Take your savings and buy these cute little guys for someone who really needs them.

Seriously, who doesn’t like to look at a shiny catalog full of Goodies for cooks and bakers?  I certainly do.  But, sometimes I just have to draw the line.  You might recall how I had a Right Tantrum over those cads at King Arthur a few months ago.  I thought I was all Been There Done That.  Until now.  The Beloved and I were perusing the pages of the latest Sur La Table catalog, and we began thinking that if we were to purchase everything they said we needed, we wouldn’t be able to afford la table, let alone notre maison et les chats.  Sheesh.

Honestly, you can tell me if it’s just me.  I can take it.  Read what they Expect of Us first. Ahem:

1. **D’Artagnan Organic Free-Range Turkey Now, I generally only buy birds that I know were able to stand up on their own, peck about on the gorund and enjoy a happy life before dying to feed me.  That means that I buy my poultry at our farmer’s market and that it’s all happy and free range and organic.  It is NOT, however, $110 for a 14-16 pound bird or $125 for a 16-18 pound bird. $7-$8/pound?!  No thanks, guys.  A quick search of the Hinternet tells me that I can find organic turkeys starting at around $2.50/pound and going up to about $6.00/pound.  Of course I’d go with the less expensive happy turkeys, so I’m saving around $70-ish.  I could go and give that money to Heifer International and fund 3 1/2 flocks of chicks for people in the developing world.  Or, I could just get the D’Artagnan turkey and feel good about myself because it drank spring water while it was alive.  **Oh, and listen to this.  I just got back from the D’Artagnan site, and I can buy a special organic turkey straight from them for about $5/pound.  And now I’m even more upset with Sur La Table.  I shake my poing at you, messieurs et mesdames!
2. Skybar (TM) Wine System allows me to keep three–count them, THREE–bottles of wine at the correct, varietal-specific temperature for up to ten days.  All this for the Rock Bottom Price of $999.95.  You read that correctly, just one nickel shy of a cool grand.  Awesome.  So, for $333.31-ish per bottle, I don’t have to strain myself by Lifting the Bottle to Pour.  Gee, thanks guys.
3. For the Bargain Basement Price of $44.95, I can own a Mini “Slider” Burger Gift Set.  Wait–can I own a gift set, or do I have to give it?  Well, regardless, I’m pretty sure I–or a hypothetical giftee–don’t need a mini burger press.  I’m pretty sure I can manage to shape a wee burger for free.
4. You guys know about those Shun knives, right?  They are Very Cool–we even have an Shun 8″ Santoku knife that I gave to The Beloved (myself) for his birthday (just because).  Well, now a dude named Bob Kramer has designed some Stunningly Beautiful yet Ridiculously Expensive knives for Shun.  The paring knife alone costs 5 cents shy of $150.  I could splurge and get the whole set for 5 cents short of $1500 with free shipping.  I’m pretty sure we’d rather pay the mortgage.

Friends, I’m not saying that these Items are not worth the money in any sort of objective way.  We all have different budgets and different priorities.  I’m just saying that for me, there is no way I’d spend this much money on any of those Items.  Sorry, Sur La Table.  I’m sure you’re all lovely people, but the world isn’t exactly rolling in disposable income these days.

If you’re looking for useful items that you won’t have to spend a bajillion dollars on, you can go and check out my recommendations.

If this is the year that you want to give to a charity or non profit organization in honor of someone else, consider these worthy causes:

Heifer International
Donors Choose
Kiva

Deep Fried Peanuts and Spiced Pancakes or Hooray for Birthday Weekends!

It has been awhile.  Let me assure you, friends, that I have been Very Busy making all the pages on PCO beautiful and useful.  I’m all the way to the “D” pages.  It sounds not so great, but there are a Very Ton of  “A” and “C” pages.  Today, I hope to get through to the “L” or even “M” pages.  So, I sidled up to Ye Olde Computer, fully intending to Get On With PCO, but then I realized I have been neglecting PMAT.  And that is bad.  Besides, I need to tell you about the birthday weekend in Georgia.

As has been Firmly Established, I am not a very prepared blogger, so I don’t have very many pictures.  Sorry, but I really don’t want to exceed your expectations and set the bar higher.  Way too much pressure.  Anyway, The Beloved and I drove down to lovely Dahlonega, GA the Saturday before Thanksgiving.  Our favorite part of the drive by far is the Gaffney Peach.  Oh, the Gaffney people were probably so proud to have a large and life-like peach hovering over their portion of I-85.  The peach veritably bursts with verisimilitude–shades of orange and yellow, the glistening leaves, the life-like…um, crack…down the center.  The peach is life-like, alright.  Like twin glistening, gargantuan gluteus maximi.  Yes, friends, Gaffney, in an attempt to capture the very dew on the fruit, has actually overshot their goal and given us a Giant Ass on a Pole.  Behold:

Breathtaking, n'est-ce pas?

Yes, it’s the only thing I took a picture of on the six-hour drive.  I mean, how do you top something like that?

We made it to Dahlonega around 3:00 and stopped at a wee store to get a snack and some beer for The Beloved.  North Georgia is Wine Country, so he wanted to be prepared.  Look what we found at the store!

We had never seen these before, but how do you say no to Uncle Bud?

Shell and all!  Yup, Uncle Bud wants us to eat them…Shell-N-All.  So we did, and we shared with Fred and Mary Beth, too.  Fred and Mary Beth are our wonderful friends and owners of Cedar House Inn and Yurts.  I’ve told you about staying with them before.  Of all the places we’ve stayed, theirs is the only B&B that we’ve stayed at more than twice.  We love it there, and we love Fred and Mary Beth.  Anyway, back to the peanuts. They were somewhat spicy, deeply peanut-y and crunchy, and Surprisingly Good. At first, we felt Decidedly Odd about eating peanut shells, but the trip through the fryer ensured that they were crispy/crunchy instead of thick and tweedy. If you’re at all interested in trying these little guys, go take a look at Uncle Bud’s website.

Mary Beth makes a mean breakfast.  Sunday morning, we were treated to a quiche in a hash brown crust and roasted mixed vegetables.  Savory and yummy.  Then on Monday, for my birthday breakfast, she made a wonderful breakfast bread pudding-type deal with a sauteed apple sauce.  And check it out:  Mary Beth said that she normally would serve the pudding with a blueberry sauce, but that she had taken to heart my Sermon on Seasonality and made apple instead.  Go, Mary Beth!

Here’s “my” breakfast.  Sorry the picture is Kind of Crappy–I used my phone since the camera was in my car.  But really, what did you expect from me?

A wonderful Mary Beth breakfast--I ate every bite (except for the candle).

After enjoying a weekend of wine and friends and fun, we returned to the homestead so that The Beloved could work a Long and Arduous two days before Thanksgiving.  Then, we celebrated the long holiday weekend by doing yard work.  Sunday morning, I wanted to recall Mary Beth’s bread pudding.  ‘Cept I didn’t have fresh apples.  Or the Kind of Bread I’d Need to make the bread pudding.  I did, however, own buttermilk and dried apples, so here’s what I made.

An Homage to Mary Beth:  Apple Pie Buttermilk Pancakes a la Moi*
This batter is very thick and scoop-able.  Once I scooped some into the skillet, I shook it to get the batter to spread out some.  Still, these pancakes were about 1/2″ thick, very fluffy and Absolutely Fabulous.  This recipe made 6 pancakes about 4-5″ in diameter–perfect for the two of us.

• 1/4 cup chopped dried apples, reconstituted in 1/2 cup hot apple juice (or water), well-drained
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoons (ish) salt
• 1 1/2 tablespoons demerara sugar (you can use regular, but the large crystals provide a nice sweet crunch every once in awhile)
• 1/4 teaspoon apple pie spice (a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and cardamom)
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup buttermilk
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 tablespoon neutral vegetable oil

Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, sugar and spices together very well.

Beat the egg and whisk together with the buttermilk, sour cream and oil.

Pour the wet onto the dry and then stir for about 3 seconds.  Mix the batter the rest of the way by folding.  It’ll be Very Thick and there’ll be lots of lumps.  Carry on.  This be The Muffin Method, folks.

Let the batter sit while you heat up your griddle or your cast iron skillet (which is what I used–two of them).  When a drop of water skitters across the surface of the griddle/skillet, rub the end of a stick of butter quickly over the surface of the pan and then scoop on about 1/3 cup of batter.  You should prolly do this with an ice cream scoop.

Shake the pan/skillet to spread out the batter.  Or, you could just spread it out a bit with an offset spatula.

Cook for about 3 minutes on one side, until the edges of the pancake are dry.  Flip and continue to cook until the edge of the pancake, which will now have poofed up to Pretty Thick, is completely dry. That way you’ll know it’s cooked all the way through.

Hold the pancakes in a 200F oven while you cook the rest of them.

Serve with real maple syrup.

Thanks for the inspiration and for the wonderful birthday breakfast, Fred and Mary Beth!

*For a reasonable approximation of what these guys looked like, go check out this post from Smitten Kitchen.  Mine were a bit bigger, but almost identical in poofiness to these.

We Have A Winner!

My first book title (whenever I get around to writing it) will be...

Well, it’s the 24th, the day after my birthday.  Yes, it was lovely, thankyouverymuch.  Anyway, as promised, The Impartial Beloved has chosen the Incredibly Lucky Winner of my first co-authoring endeavor, Starting from Scratch.  And the winner is…………………………..Camille, from Croque Camille, for her submission of a)Pastry Chef Offline, with a pithy subtitle (TBD), about freeing Onesself from looking up things all the time and for b)leaving feedback about the new site.  She digs the A Day in the Life page.  If you’re wondering if you’d like to be a pastry chef in a restaurant, read this (she modestly declares).  It’ll give you an idea about how it goes.

If the Choux Fits, submitted by Libby from At the Very Yeast, was a strong contender.  That Libby, she is witty! 

I also got a lot of good feedback including having a FAQ page, perhaps doing a section on Foods I Would Never Willingly Ingest (I’m looking at you, Cool Whip), and pointing out of some (many) Links to Nowhere.

Thank you all for your participation.  With such a good response, I might just have to give away some more stuff at some point…

Camille, I shall be contacting you Shortly to get your address so I can send the book across the Big Water to La France.  Also, so you can let me know if you want a One of a Kind Autographed edition!

The roll-out of Pastry Chef Online is just the first step.  I’ll be tweaking and adding and Tweaking and Adding for the Rest of My Life.  I truly want PCO and PMAT to be resources that you turn to over and over for answers to questions, new ideas or maybe just a laugh or two.  As always, if you ever have any questions or feedback, shoot me an email at pastrychefonline at yahoo dot com, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.  You can also join The Forum.  Right now, most of the posts are questions for me, but I’m hoping that one day it will reach Critical Mass and folks will ask each other for help.

Okay, that’s it.

Oh, St. Cecile, How Sorely They Have Used You.

Poor, poor Cecile. She never saw it coming. Literally.

Dear Miss Swiss Miss,
I wonder what your real name is? I took the liberty of doing some research, and I’ve decided that your given name, heretofore lost in the sands of time, is probably Cecile. You must be Cecile, the blind patron saint of music. First, the ConAgra people told you that they were naming a Wonderful New Chocolate Beverage in your honor, and then they made you sing their Inane Advertising Jingle. You see, they knew they had to choose a blind spokesperson. Otherwise, you would have looked at the ingredients listed on the box of ”your” eponymous hot cocoa and refused to be a part of such a Travesty.  There is precedent for this.  I give you:
Unless you have tons of time on your hands, go to 5:01.

Unfortunately for the Farmers’ Pride folks, Leopold had a sense of taste. Hard to tell just by auditioning. But you, oh Unfortunate Cecile, with your red-tipped cane, dark glasses and harnessed German Shepherd–it was glaringly obvious that you were blind. Alas for you; they pounced.  You were duped into shilling for ConAgra. And now, I’m here to read to you the ingredient list from that box of Evil Brown Powder that you are selling.

• Sugar–check
• Nonfat Dry Milk–okay
• Modified Whey–because the milk powder isn’t milky enough
• Cocoa (Processed with Alkali)–Dutched cocoa is pH balanced; okay
• Corn Syrup–because I guess the sugar isn’t sugary enough
• Hydrogenated Coconut Oil–because you can never have too many trans fats

Less than 2% of:

• Salt–Nice
• Dipotassium Phosphate–another salt that is Extremely water soluble.  Because apparently salt isn’t salty enough
• Carrageenan–seaweed!
• Sodium Caseinate–more milky-type stuff
• Disodium Phosphate–to keep the powder nice and powdery
• Artificial Flavor–because cocoa and sugar and milk aren’t tasty enough on their own
• Mono- and Diglycerides–emulsifiers, to keep the transfatty goodness nicely mixed with the seaweed, et al

Oh, Cecile.  I’m sure you a damp towel for your forehead and a cold beverage to refresh you.  I hate to be the bearer of Ill News, but you needed to know.  After all, your integrity is At Stake.

Love,
Jenni

The following is for Cecile and for anyone who wants a nice cup of hot cocoa without worrying about, you know, dying from Phosphate poisoning.

St. Cecile’s Most Excellent Hot Cocoa

• cocoa powder–Dutched is preferable
• sugar–I use demerara.  You could also use agave nectar or Your Preferred Sweetener
• pinch of salt
• wee splash of vanilla
• milk–whatever kind you like.  Except buttermilk (But I shouldn’t even have to say that.  You’re just being difficult).
• Optional–a sprinkle of cinnamon or cayenne.  Maybe some orange zest or extract.  Or mint extract. 

There are no measurements, because I don’t know how you like your hot cocoa.  Do it to your taste, and taste it frequently.  Write down what you did, and then you’ll have the formula for Your Perfect Cup.  Here’s how to put it together.

1. Put all the ingredients in a large-ish saucepan.
2. Whisk and heat over medium heat until all the cocoa has dissolved into the milk.  Don’t let it come to a boil.
3. Put in mug.
4. Drink.

Cocoa really doesn’t like to mix with milk, especially cold milk.  If you want, you can make life a bit easier by whisking the cocoa with a little bit of milk to get a thickish paste.  Then, you can whisk that into the rest of the milk, sugar, etc.

Rich Caramel Cocoa for the Daring

If you’re feeling spunky, you can caramelize some sugar–take it to medium to medium dark–and stop the caramelization with some half and half.  Off the heat, stir until smooth.  Add milk, cocoa, salt and vanilla or other flavoring of your choice, and whisk over medium heat until hot.  You won’t be sorry.

Two Things

1. If you’re interested in winning a copy of Starting from Scratch, make sure to enter by going to my Pastry Chef Online post and commenting on the new site design and giving me an idea for my first book title.  The Beloved will be choosing a winner on Tuesday, November 24. 
2. There are Fun Pastry Polls up at PCO.  Please go take a look and vote.  I’ll be using the polls to see what folks are most interested in.

If anyone is in need of a Spokesperson with Integrity, Cecile needs a job.  ‘Kay, that’s it. 

 

 

Sunday Suppers (Late Monday Edition): An Amusing Tale, and A Very Tasty Pork Chili

Glad you’re here, all–and just in time for Story Time!  Okay, so I went walking with Roberta, my Most Excellent Neighbor, on Saturday.  Given a choice of walking in the neighborhood or walking at a couple of parks in Garner, I chose parks. I was then presented with two choices:  Lake Benson Park or White Deer Park.  Without knowing anything about either park, being relatively new to the area, I chose White Deer Park.  And, let me tell you, I am Glad I Did.

Roberta’s husband, Thomas, said something along the lines of “Be sure to say hi to the albino deer.”  I laughed, assuming that he was just Being Funny.  I mean, just because Central Park is in the middle of a city and Lake Benson Park is on Lake Benson and Grand Canyon National Park contains said canyon does not mean that there really is a white deer at White Deer Park.  Right?

Wrong.

So, we got to the park, and Roberta was all, “Hey, let’s go see the white deer first.”  And I was, “Seriously?  There is a white deer here For Real?!I thought you guys were just messing with me.”  I expected some sort of micro petting zoo, with Deer Kibble for sale in wee brown paper bags and a Morbidly Obese white deer in a pen.  And then, she dropped the bomb, “Well, it’s dead….”

This isn’t the Actual white deer–after all, this one is alive, but as soon as I go back (which will be very soon), I’ll update this picture. Promise.

Now, I will switch to reporter mode so I don’t have to keep typing quotation marks.

Here’s what happened:  Several years ago, the good residents of the Lake Benson area were all atwitter over occasional sightings of a white deer.  Obviously, these residents had been Blessed by Diana, Goddess of the Hunt, and she had sent unto them a Mystical White Deer (MWD) as proof of her affection.  The residents put their heads together and decided that Diana would want them to build a park to honor the MWD.  Plans were Set in Motion.  But, the gods can be fickle and cruel, and some Unnamed god–let’s call him Chad, shall we?–decided that Diana had Taken Liberties when she bestowed her favor upon the good folk of Lake Benson.  Chad thought that maybe the residents would get too Snooty because they had a white deer.  He could picture Rude Interactions wherein they would taunt other folks with, “Naa naa na na naa.  We have a white deer because Diana Loves Us.  We are Awesome.” 

Rather than bestow to some other Worthy Community a Unicorn as a Checks and Balances measure, Chad caused a Motorist to hit Diana’s gift just a mere days after the plans for the park were Put In Place.  Cruel, perhaps, but direct.  Undeterred, Diana’s Chosen had the deer stuffed and mounted, and it sat in a wee hut that they Caused to Be Erected for the purpose for the next few years.  And then, Hooligans (sent by Chad, who realized that the sacrifice of the deer just made it more powerful an Icon), in the dark of night, set the stuffed and mounted deer On Fire.  Seriously.  Oh, deer!  Again, the Chosen People of the Deer rallied their forces and paid to have the deer repaired.  I don’t know how they managed to repair the fur and What Not, but they did.  At that point, it was More Than Clear to the Chosen that the deer needed, nay deserved, its own shrine, complete with walking trails and playgrounds.  And a Dead Dear Diorama Behind Glass.  They bravely soldiered on until they Realized Their Dream.

The park opened just a couple of weeks ago, and I must say, shrine aside, it is a pretty cool park.  Be that as it may, I’m pretty sure that Chad is trying to come up with other ways to put Diana in her place.  Just between you and me, my money is on Diana’s Chosen.  Unless I start hearing reports of Unicorn sightings.  Then, all best are off.

I have a playground story, too, but that will have to wait for another day.  After all, the chili awaits.  I was just so amused by the deer story that I had to share with you guys.  Oh, let me leave you with a quote from my mother, Jane.  She emailed it to me after I had told her the Saga of the MWD.  Here’s what she said in her email.  And I quote: “Listen up people of Garner…for a true experience one does not have to go to Burning Man like Adam Lambert.  Just go to Burning Deer Park in Garner and get spun out into space….Woo woo!”  Now, I’m going to have to see if we can start a yearly counter-culture festival in the park.  Great idea, Mom.  And maybe our boy, Adam, will come and perform in all his glittery glory.  Just sayin’; it’s something to think about.

You’ve been very patient.  On to the pork chili.

Okay, so maybe the buttery crackers aren't traditional, but it's what we had, and it was tasty. A little dollop of sour cream never hurt chili, either.

Originally, this chili was supposed to be a green chili.  Then, since I wasn’t using any sort of recipe, I decided that I’d add some chipotle peppers in adobo sauce.  If you don’t know what that is, I will tell you.  Chipotles in adobo are smoked jalapeno peppers in a spicy red sauce.  Red plus lots of green equals sort of a brownish-gray color.  Not overly attractive, but like my friend DS over at The Daily Spud, I don’t hide from my ugly foodie forays.  I celebrate them.  As long as they’re tasty, anyway.  And this chili was Absolutely Fabulous.  If you want yours to be a true green chili, do leave out any red ingredients.  If you don’t care, just go for it.

Ugly Piglet Chili
Like I said, there is no real recipe for this.  There are also no real measurements.  I did it all to taste, but I’ll try and give you a ballpark idea.

• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 pound fairly marbled pork.  I bought something called “pork steak.”  I’m not even sure that’s a real term, but it was for sale and looked good.
• 1 cup black beans–canned is fine.  I used dried, because that’s what I had.  I boiled the heck out of them in some chicken stock while I was doing the rest of the mise en place. 
• 2 medium onions, diced
• kosher salt, to taste
• hot chili powder (another red ingredient that you can leave out if you want), about 2 tablespoons or so
• red pepper flake–some
• ground cumin–a very lot because I love it
• ground coriander–about half as much as the cumin
• vegetable oil–enough to thinly coat the bottom of a large pan
• 12 tomatillos (I counted them as I scooped them into the bag at the grocery store)
• 3 poblano peppers
• 5 Anaheim peppers
• 1 jalapeno pepper
• 3 small hot peppers of Dubious Origin that Neighbor Chuck gave us
• 1 serrano pepper
• 5 Cubanelle peppers
• 2 bell peppers
• chicken stock, to barely cover everything
• about 1 tablespoon bittersweet chocolate chunks–I had to use them in something, and chocolate in chili is Excellent
• fistful of cilantro
• fine corn meal, for thickening.  I probably used about 1/3 cup or so

Okay, so it’s a long list of ingredients.  About all those peppers–just use whatever green ones you have/can find.  It’s more about technique than recipe, anyway.

Here’s how I did it:

1. Dice the pork steak (or whatever) into about 1/2″ dice.
2. Brown the porks in a little vegetable oil in a large skillet.  Add salt and pepper.
3. In a Dutch oven, heat oil until hot.  Over medim-low heat, cook onions, salt, pepper, and whatever spices you’re using.  Stir and stir so the spices don’t burn.  You might need to add a touch more oil.  Cook until onions are soft and the whole thing is ridiculously fragrant and lovely.
4. Now, it gets easy.  Drain off any excess fat from the meat, and add it to the onions.  Add the beans and cooking liquid, if using dry.  If using canned, hold off for a bit.
5. Cut up all the green stuff and toss it all into the pot along with a bit more kosher salt.
6. Barely cover with chicken stock, and bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer and simmer gently, mostly covered, for about an hour.  Taste, and adjust the seasonings a bit, but don’t go overboard since it’ll prolly reduce some more.
7. If using canned beans, add them now.  Stir in the chocolate and simmer, uncovered, for about 15-20 minutes, just to reduce a bit.
8. Taste again for seasoning.
9. Stir in fine cornmeal until the chili is as thick as you want it.
10. Either go ahead and eat, or chil and reheat the next day.  Or both.

We ate this over rice, with pita chips, over half of a baked potato (each–for a total of one potato.  I didn’t just bake half a potato, thankyouverymuch).  We had it with pepper jack cheese melted on top.  It was All Good.

Now, for your enjoyment, a Photo Essay:

It's a chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, but am I the only one who thinks it looks like a wee dead pig? It's prolly because of the deer...

 

Hello, little green tomatillo inside your papery husk. If you're wondering, they taste very green and tangy, not unlike a green tomato.

Announcing the New and Improved, Nipped and Tucked, Snazzified Pastry Chef Online. Plus, PMAT’s Inaugural Giveaway!

It took me long enough, but here it is! Introducing, the re-worked Pastry Chef Online!

Friends, here it is.  All the sweating, the work, the blisters-on-my-fingers.  All of the Amazing Linda’s work–long hours, making nice on the crazy woman (that would be Me), the pulling-out-of-hair.  As an aside, yesterday I offered to have made the Best Wig Ever for the Amazing Linda.  She chose hot pink.  Um, back to the announcement.  At long last, I present to you the New and Improved, Stronger/Faster/Better, Easily Navigable Pastry Chef Online!……………………..chirp, chirp………………………………..cricket, cricket……………………..Oh, what?  Some of you didn’t even know that there was an Old and Unimproved, Weaker/Slower/Worse, Unnavigable Pastry Chef Online?  Well, there was, and it’s prolly just as well that you didn’t know about it, because it was All That Stuff. 

Now, it’s lovely.  The Amazing Linda, from Linda Braun Graphic and Web Design, worked with crazy me for Ever So Long to pull this together.  She designed the keen logo and the look of the site.  I said something vague about having the site look like a ‘57 Cadillac or something.  I’m sure she Rolled Her Eyes heavenward, but apparently she understood, because I love it!  Please do go over and take a little tour.  I’m not big on recipes, as you know, but there are plenty there to get you started.   You’ll find discussions of mixing methods and ingredient function and a great segment called Restaurant Style in the Intermediate/Advanced section.  Plus, there’s a section called Baking Essentials with my recommendations for cook books, gadgets, appliances and ingredients.  There’s also a Special Section called “Don’t Waste Your Money.” 

PCO, like PMAT, is a work in progress, so I’ll often be adding pages–more recipes, more discussions, more categories (like maybe laminated doughs, to start), more recommendations.   Tell me what you’re interested in, and I’ll add it to the site.  As long as it has to do with Pastry Stuff.  Just so we’re clear, I’m not going to add a page about how to shape a surfboard or how to install a doggie door.  I’m just not. 

Now, in Honor and Celebration of the relaunch of Pastry Chef Online, I’m giving away a copy of the keen cook book, Starting from Scratch, of which I am a co-author.  The book is currently all wrapped up in plastic and cardboard, but the lucky winner need but Say the Word, and I’ll wrest it from its wrappings and write a Suitable Inscription on the inside cover.  Here’s all you have to do:  Leave some feedback about the New and Improved Pastry Chef Online–what you like, what you don’t like, what you wish you could see.  Plus, come up with a title for my first cook book.  No, I haven’t written it yet, but a title is a good place to start.  The Beloved will pick what he considers to be The Best Title from all the entries, and that person will win the book!  No, it’s not an objective, random-number-generator way to choose a winner, but it’s my blog.  So there.

If you’d like more than one chance to win, just make separate additional comments, each with some feedback on the site and a Proposed Book Title.  I’ll let The Beloved look at all the entries Sans Identifying Names, etc, and he’ll choose his favorite.  He probably won’t accept bribes, but do what you can.

Oh, you can enter between now and my birthday, November 23.  Enter as many times as you like.  Tell your family and friends.  Alert the media.

Huge thank yous to all of you for hanging out at PMAT.  I hope you find PCO as comfortable a hang-out.  If you want, I also have a forum that you can get to from the website, in the sidebar over there, and also from right here.

To recap:  New site=Yay!  Giveaway=Starting from Scratch–signed, if you’d like. Win by submitting a comment with feedback on the new site and a title for my first cook book.  Enter=Often.  Deadline=November 23.  I’ll announce the Incredibly Lucky Winner on November 24.

Sunday Suppers: An A-Maize-ing Meal

I am a sucker for a theme party.  So, with Ken’s Korny Corn Maze right around the corner from our new house, we knew that we’d eventually have to have a Ken’s Korny Corn Maze Extravaganza.  We did that Very Thing two weekends ago.  The only rule was that every dish had to have some sort of corn in it.  Everyone was a good sport, and we ended up with a huge corny feast.  Rocque and Peggy and Chuck and Susan made tamales.  Mary Lou made creamy corn pudding.  Thomas and Roberta brought cheesy corn casserole, chocolate/pretzel/Oreo/M&M/candy corn bark and pop corn.  Mom made chicken vegetable soup with corn in it.  Naomi made shrimp corn chowder.  Jeff brought Indian Corn, plus there was candy corn, too.  We ordered pizza for our young guests, who apparently hate all things corn related.  Who knew?

It was a Big Fun Time.  They grilled tamales outside on a grate on the fire pit.  Mary Lou’s power had been out all day, so she and Naomi cooked once they got to our house.  It was like having a Progressive Dinner without ever changing houses.  When a dish was ready, we ate it.  We had a great time.  The original plan had been to actually go to Ken’s Korny Corn Maze and Haunted House that evening, but it had rained all day, and we weren’t really interested in going to Ken’s Muddy Corn Maze.

The Beloved and I offered up some homemade corn dogs.  We used the leftover batter to make hush puppies.  There were Lots of hush puppies.  We used good old Alton Brown’s recipe for corn dogs, and it was G.U.D. Good.  I did find the batter to be just a bit too thick, so I think I added maybe another 1/3-1/2 cup buttermilk.  And because I can never leave Well Enough alone–to the point that one time Well Enough actually took out a restraining order against me–I added a bunch of black pepper to the mix.  Otherwise, it was pretty much his straight-up recipe, peanut oil and all.  Friends, peanut oil is Expensive.  I had no idea.  I looked longingly at the $7/gallon vegetable oil, but I went with the $17/gallon peanut oil because Alton told me to.  I’m such a sheep.  Baa.  But it is really great oil, and we strained it to use again, so there.

I bought some kind of hot dogs that were billed as “The Steak Lovers’ Hot Dog,” and it was a Very Good Choice.  (I just looked them up.  They were Curtis Beef Master Hot Dogs). I made 16 of these guys, and some folks ate three.  I think I might have had two.  Anyway, next time, I’m making 32 of them.  I doubled the amounts for the cornmeal batter, and still had enough goo left over to make about Eleventy-Billion hush puppies, so I’m thinking that you could probably do 16 with a 1X batch, even though AB writes that the recipe serves 8.  I’m not going to copy the recipe here, because you can go see it for yourselves with that link over there, but I will write down some Thoughts and Tips.

1)As I mentioned before, I added more buttermilk than what the recipe called for.  The batter was still very thick–think pâte à choux.  In Alton’s video, his looks thinner than mine was.  This is why volumetric measures are so Annoying.

2)When it says to coat the dogs in corn starch, really coat them well.  Mine were white.  I rubbed corn starch on them and then made sure to only leave a thin layer, but they were still white.  Plus rubbing hot dogs with corn starch is just kind of…suggestive.  Be prepared to giggle a lot.

3)Alton says to use those restaurant chopsticks that come stuck together.  I found some long, squarish chopsticks at the grocery in the Asian section, and they worked Just Fine.

4)Grated onion is very wet–just go with it.  I didn’t measure it; I just grated until my eyes stung too badly to continue grating.

5)I read on someone’s blog that they wished the batter had stuck better.  I humbly submit that they were perhaps Somewhat Lacking in the Technique Department.  Alton says to put the batter in a tall drinking glass and then dunk the dog into it, swirling to coat.  The batter is Way Too Thick for that, so I just left it in a big bowl, shoved the dog in the goo at a shallow angle–kind of like how they stick the needle in your arm when they’re getting a blood sample–and then used my hand to make sure it was evenly coated.  If the layer of goo is not uniform, big deal.  It’s homemade, by crackie, and it’s Way, Way Better than anything you could ever get in the freezer section or at the fair.  Get over it.

6)I think I limited my frying to 3 dogs at a time, just to keep the oil temp from dropping too much initially.  I just used a big pot–I don’t have a swanky restaurant-style deep fryer.

7)We mixed up some honey mustard, and that was Quite tasty.  But these guys were so good, they really didn’t need any sort of Condiment or Accoutrements of any sort.

And I think that about does it.  Please, enjoy the photos.  Thank Mary Lou for them–she is more conscientious than I.  Sadly, I didn’t think to take pictures of the corn dogs, or maybe I was just being Moody and Passive Aggressive.  Either way, the picture of the dogs is representative, not literal.

Mmmmm...Tamales!

Look how great--Naomi's shrimp and corn chowder.

The spread, minus the soups, which were in the kitchen, and the corn dogs, which were in the Lucky Few's tummies.

Here are pictures of happy, corn-fed (literally) folks:

We built up the fire a bit after the tamales were all cooked. We use Ye Olde Fyre Pit more frequently than we thought we would. Fun.

Here I am with friends Michael and Jeff. Michael is pointing towards The Beloved, so he's kind of in the picture, too.

It was Naomi's birthday, so I made that Creamsicle Pound Cake that I talked about a couple of weeks ago for her.

Rocque and Peggy. We are so lucky to have such great neighbors.

Submitted for your Approval: An Analogy. I am to Halloween as Clark Griswold is to Christmas.

Just about the time The Beloved starts rubbing his hands together in anticipation of making his fruitcake, I begin dreaming of ghouls and goblins.  Not in a Wake Up Screaming sort of way, but in a How Can I Scare the Children kind of way.  I started talking to The Hansens, our Most Excellent Neighbors, and found out that they were all into The Scare as well.  We decided to do a Haunted Path leading from our house to theirs.  And then, we contacted our other Most Excellent Neighbors, The Walls, to see if they wanted In on the path idea.  Much to our delight, they were All Over It.  Thomas was all, “I’ll hide in the blackberry bushes with a fog machine and jump out and scare kids.”  Very, Very Cool.

As you know, I am a Rotten Photojournalist, so I didn’t get pictures of the Walls and Hansens stops on the Haunted Path, but let me paint a picture for you.  The Hansens had tombstones, black lights, a scary light-up tree and a crazy mister skull (not Mr. Skull, but a skull that spews out mist) with blood and a spider crawling out of one eye.  Hooray.  The Walls had Real Animal Skulls hanging from their weeping willow tree, a graveyard with plastic skeletal arms coming up out of the ground, a strobe light that made thunder sounds and an Enormous Spider on their porch.

The Beloved and I decided to decorate the Entire Wrap-Around Porch and send kids all around the porch and down the side steps.  If they were Brave Enough.  Here is Photo documentation of said decorated porch.  All the gray tattery stuff is dyed cheese cloth, cut/shredded so as to add to the Eeriness.

Thomas let us borrow some rope lighting so no kids would trip and fall. We just didn't want to deal with a lawsuit.

The only thing that prompted kids to come on up was the Lure of Candy.

I had two of these guys--one on each top post. Very Hitchcockian, no?

Okay, so I don't water my hanging baskets. In a burst of inspiration, I hot glued some wee skulls into the poor, dead plant. Very effective skull plant, I think.

This corner was a little bare, so at the last minute, I shoved a bunch of plastic grocery bags under some old white curtains, creating instant ghost dude. His sign says "Hanged for Trespassing." I never got around to making a sign that said "No Trespassing," but there's always next year!

My friend Jennifer gave this to us a few weeks ago. How cool is she? She tells five different fortunes, plus she lights up all blue and green, and her head sways AND her eyes roll around. The least we could do was name her after Jennifer.

So, we had a little niche to fill up with...something. I got these wee dead guys from the $ store, and hung them Strategically About with a sign: 'Ware the Shrunken Dead. Awesome.

Eeek! Another shrunken dead dude!

The pumpkin had a natural scar across its face. I used it To My Advantage, don't you think? The blood is red food coloring and glue. I free-handed his look of anguish.

If we had kids come up the side step (which we did), they were met with a sign that said "Do not ring bell. Look what happened to him (the jack o'lantern with the dagger in its eye). Around the corner await treats for the brave."

Kids exiting by the side steps were reminded to Stay on The Path. Or PERISH. Mwah ha ha.

The caution tape (thank you, $ store) led the kids down and around to Thomas' house.

Okay, so that’s all the decorations in the calm light of day.  Now, here’s what the front looked like at night, with the strobe light and the fog machine going.

Cool, huh? Plus, the dude on the door moans and rattles. Double cool.

And where, you ask, is the Madam of Ceremonies?  Here:

Originally, I was going to go for serene, icy vampire. I ended up as Drunken Dead Italian Grandmother. Whatever. The children were Still Afraid.

Okay, so if you’ve suffered down to the end of my Obsessive Halloween Decoration Extravaganza, you deserve something for all your trouble.  I posted this Ages Ago, but here it is again.  A perfect adult snack for Halloween.  Or whenever.

Spiced Caramel Corn

First, you need Some Sort of Spiced Nuts.  Pumpkin seeds are Festive and Seasonal.  Or get some of those pepitas, Mexican pumpkin seeds.  Mix up some egg white, salt, cumin, chili powder, orange zest and brown sugar.  Lightly coat the nuts/pumpkin seeds with the mixture, spread out on Silpat and bake at 250F until dry and golden.  Let cool, and break apart any big chunks.  Or not.

Sorry, but you’re on your own as far as measurements.  The recipe for the caramel corn makes a Ton, so you might want to shoot for 4 cups of nuts and 2 egg whites as the base for the spice mix.

Now, for the Corn

• 3 1/2 cups popcorn, popped.  This makes a ton.  Seriously.  Like 3-4 GALLONS.  That’s about 12-16 LITRES for you Metric Folk.  Half the recipe if you aren’t that hungry, or if you don’t want to share.  If you can find “mushroom popcorn,” use that.  If not, don’t worry about it.
• 4-ish cups spiced nuts
• 1 1/4 c. corn syrup
• 20 oz. butter (5 sticks)
• 30.5 oz. brown sugar
• 3 1/2 tablespoons kosher salt.  Yes, tablespoons.  You can cut back a bit, if you want, but salty is Good for this
• 1 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda

Put the popcorn in two Very Large roasting pans that you have coated Liberally with pan spray.  Add half of the nuts to each pan.

Melt everything but the baking soda together in a Very Large Pot.  Once the butter is melted, turn up the heat and bring to a gentle boil for 5 minutes.  After 5 minutes, kill the heat and stir in the baking soda.  It will seriously bubble up and look just like caramel shaving cream.

Pour half of the shaving cream over each vat of popcorn.  Stir it in as well as you can.  Bake at 225F for 1 hour and 15 minutes.  Every fifteen minutes or so, open the oven and stir.  Each time, the popcorn will get more evenly coated, so don’t stress if there is some Naked Corn in the pans when you first put them in the oven.

After the Requisite Time, take the pan out of the oven and stir again.  Stir it every few minutes to keep it from clumping up into a large Brick O’ Popcorn.

And now you’re done.  What are you waiting for?  Eat some.  Mangia, mangia!  Oh, sorry, that’s the Dead Italian Grandmother coming out.

So, how was your Halloween?  If you didn’t make anyone cry, you’ll just have to try harder next year.

PS Whether or not you know who Clark Griswold is, you deserve to see his Handiwork: